I like to start my owner off at a scamper, just outside Cartmel's racecourse. To get going, take the sign-posted footpath near the entrance to the racecourse car park, the one that crosses right over the racecourse.
You'll need to wait for your owner to open the kissing gate into the woodland and do a silly sideways walk through a squeeze stile before resuming the pulling. Oh, yes, I mean walking, of course. Another stile is coming up, which leads on to a narrow road. Get your owner to turn right along this road and walk on for 50 metres.
Bear left - where? I'll get him! Oh, sorry…instinct…bear left up a wide signposted track and follow it to the end. Sniff out a small, tree-lined path that juts off in the same direction as the track. You'll come to a gate (wait for the boring bit, then go go go!) after which you should bear right along another overgrown path that'll bring you to a signpost in front of a house.
After a sniff to check if anyone interesting lives here (I'll let you judge for yourselves) carry on, turning left as directed by the waymarks, passing stables which house a few horses. Friends of mine, if you're interested.
Another gate gives you a chance to catch your breath and have a scratch, then on through to the open fell. Cut across the land to the top right corner where a gate takes you towards a stream. Feel free to have a drink but be subtle - your owner can't enjoy the cool water too, so try not to rub it in.
One of my favourite parts of this walk is crossing the clapper bridge here; the lovely smooth stone is very nice on the paws.
Carry on walking, keeping the stream on your left and turn right around the corner of a wall, carrying on beside it until you reach a stile tucked away in the next corner. Why not strike a pose when you're on top of the stile? Owners love that kind of thing.
You're now heading towards Wall Nook, so go through the gate and left to walk on past the house - a sniff check is recommended. A tarmacked track will give paws a break and guide you off to the right, until you reach the point where it is joined by an access track on the left.
There, a squeeze stile provides your owner with the chance to whip out that silly walk again. Once through, walk to the right, across the field and over another stile.
Scamper along the narrow lane here, turning left. You'll go past Over Ridge on the left but carry on up the lane. This route continues to Speel Bank (plenty of unmarked trees to keep you busy here, if you catch my drift) and passes a nice isolated area where - given half the chance - I'd worry a good few of the deer from the nearby deer farm, I can tell you.
Take the gated track until you reach the signpost. It's a good job we dogs can't read because it's a waste of time reading the incorrect signpost here; just go on ahead through the waymarked gate and on to another waymark by a portion of wall on the right.
You'll now have Collkield Wood on your right, and you'll need to scale a high wall using the step stile. If you've been pondering trifling matters such as where you put that ball, now's the time to stop: a magical sight approaches.
As you stand atop the wall, take a moment to enjoy the astounding view over the Leven Estuary, the Coniston Fells and Ulverston's Hoad monument. When you've taken it all in, step down and start your walk left along the high-level ridge. Make sure your owner keeps the wall to their left and scamper on for a good half mile.
You'll reach the edge of a wood on your right; resist the urge to run in in search of adventure - you need to go up to the two gates there instead. Go through the one on the right then resume your scamper, keeping the wall on your left.
When the wall ends, take the clear path carved out by tractor marks, going through the gate there. Carry on walking straight forward, letting the wall drop left but carrying on. If your owner stops and starts a lot, resist the urge to bark at them - they're probably enjoying the views over the Leven Estuary on the right and the Kent Estuary on the left.
Follow the track gently right until you reach a gate on the right. Go through and follow the path uphill until you reach the trig point. This is How Barrow - yet another place your owner is sure to love for its views.
When he or she has finished ooh-ing and ahh-ing, guide them back through the gate and on to reach the Cumbria Coastal Way (CCW) which will appear on the left.
Keep going straight, not letting your owner go through any of the gates that you'll see, but bearing right across the meadow and through a half-hidden gate featuring a CCW sign. Make sure you've gone through the right gate so that you end up in Mount Barnard's woodland. Once again, there are plenty of trees here so make your mark.
Keep going along this track as it takes you into thicker woodland (take the opportunity to have a good sniff of the conifer trees here) and out into an open meadow. Go through the gate and turn right. Your path - Cistercian Way - will drop gently as you near a road which leads off to the left. Follow this road left.
Stay on this road as it climbs up and then drops back down before becoming a track taking you through more woodland. It'll become a wider road soon enough, which brings you all the way back to Cartmel.
You could visit Cartmel Priory while you're here, or head to the village square where old houses and shops create a beautiful scene for your owners, while teashops mean that a dropped cake or bit of sandwich could be on the cards for you.